The Oxford Dons: A Radio Play

Oxford. Not a patch on Peckham.

Don Johnson, the dastardly-yet-inept blacklisted CIA agent who tracked me for months after my heroic attempt to blow up the Millennium Dome, has finally been punished by the world of satire…

Writers Jamie Manners  and Aug Stone have created a radio comedy, The Oxford Dons, based on Johnson’s time making ham-fisted attempts to fight crime and indulging in a crude homoerotic relationship with a Professor of Eighteenth Century Albanian Poetry at the vile bourgeois Oxford University.

The Oxford Dons, Episode 1: “Arrival”

(Free to play, free to download. Don’t pay the £1 for god’s sake!)

And listen out for the “voice actor” who makes a complete mess of the word “gondolier” – what a complete cunt!

N. Londonian Puppets’ Moves for Confrontation and War Flailed

The British Imperial puppet authorities finally issued the “results of investigation” in which they groundlessly linked the case of the death of the Thames Whale with the revolutionary will of South London despite the accusations and protest at home and abroad. This is an intolerable provocation against the revolutionary will of South London and an undisguised declaration of a war against it. The South London Press says this in a signed commentary.

The commentary goes on: It is also an intentional and premeditated plot to push the inter-Londonian relations to total collapse and ignite a war of aggression against the revolutionary will of South London in collusion with their U.S. and Japanese masters under the pretext of the Thames Whale case.

The Thames Whale case was an unprecedented charade crafted by the group of traitors keen on escalating confrontation.

The “investigation into the case” was nothing but a red herring as it was aimed to zealously spread a rumor about the “South’s involvement in the case” and thus fan up atmosphere for extreme animosity toward fellow countrymen and confrontation with them amongNorth Londoners  of different circles and, at the same time, openly unleash a war of aggression against the revolutionary will of South London in collusion with foreign forces under the pretext of what it called “security crisis”.

A saying goes a club is fit for a mad dog. The army and people of the revolutionary will of South London will never pardon the group of traitors getting hell-bent on confrontation and war, dare taking issue with fellow countrymen.

We do not know empty talk.

The reckless racket of the puppet forces will lead to a dirge of the traitorous clique.

Word!

Total Revolution & The Civilising Process

Some people accuse me of being a rebel without a pause, willing to revolutionise my limbs against anything I find.

Well, maybe. The purity of Total Revolution is attractive, if a little abstractly implausible.

But I don’t take many prisoners.

Norbert Elias wrote extensively in The Civilising Process about how the medieval development of courtly manners, etiquette and other micro-rituals created a framework in which a contemporarily recognisable form of civilisation could develope in the modern word.

A Total Revolutionary should seek to throw all that out of the window, with the dirty bathwater of functionism.

And with that in mind, enjoy this act of profound rebellion by none other than Mother Nature herself:

Bloodsport

Julio Aparicio there, and a bull, doing something far more dramatic than you’re likely to see in the World Cup next month.

And a video…

So, bringing back traditional transpontine bloodsports… Now is as good a time as any to plan for this.

The Pteranodon

Comrades. A most wonderous thought struck my tired brainbox last night deep in the revolutionarium cellebellum. A staggering thought of equal poetic gorgeousness and political use-value.

Once-upon-a-time the mighty flying creature The Pteranodon flew above what is now our fantasplendid motherland of South London. Imagine this as you look outside your window, as you step outside you house, as you catch a bus. THIS used to be Pteranodon country!

And think deeper still. These brilliant beings used to shit over North London. A faecal future war of anti-imperialism ejected from the exit end of their digestive system.

Ladies, Gentlemen & Transvestite Streetwalkers, I present to you the latest iconoclastic symbol of South London…

South London's future freedom symbolised by The Pteranodon

JUST THINK!! Pteranodons used to fly over prehistoric South London. IMAGINE IT! Soaring high, then defecating fishy faeces over Finchley.

Wowzers!

I am moved to beautiful, heroic, euphoric, indulgent tears at the thought of a Pteranodon unloading its waste-filled bowels over prehistoric Islington.

Thamestastic!!

Westminster? More like WASTEminster after Mr. Ptreranodon, the renowned sexual beast, makes a visit to North London toiletry airspace.

"Have some of this, slaaaag!!"

Finsbury Park? More like Finsbumjuice Park. Go, Pteranodon, Go!

RIP my wonderful comrades. Until we meet again...

Oh My Days! Brixton Zebra!

Totally nicked – or as I like to say, looted for the revolutionary cause – from How To Be A Retronaut. But COME ON PEOPLE. Just when you thought Brixton couldn’t get much cooler, much funkier, much Brixtoner, the sands of time splurge out this beauty. A tamed zebra. Pulling a cart. In Brixton. The photograph is even in black & white!

Come the revolution, mark my revolutionary truthnuggets, the zebra & carts shall return to the streets of South London. And if any wishy-washy animal rights campaigners pipe up they shall be slapped down. BY MY THRUSTING GROIN!

Viva da zebralution!

“Squirrels On Crack” – Even Our Animals Suffer

Just a reminder, but it’s important we all hold firm. Please don’t you ever doubt how oppressed South London is. Even the squirrels are fucked up. WE NEED INDEPENDENCE NOW. If not for our sakes then DO IT FOR THE FLUFFY ONES. Peace.