London Mayor 2012: Yes, the rumours are true. I’m running.
Ladies & gentlemen, I can confirm that I will indeed be standing for election as Mayor of London next year. I’m in it to win it.
Check out my first election broadcast:
I began with absolutely no plans to run for elected office, given representative politics is about as much use as fellatiating a comatosed eunuch. However the weight of pressure from you, my adoring public, became too much to ignore. Over the weekend I sought the advice of the people closest to me: my seven wives, a team of advisors and a focus group. It is only with their backing and love that I make this step today.
As the campaign moves ahead I will release more detail on my policy commitments. But for now, let me say this: Boris, Ken… the show’s over. I’ve got you in my sights, and I always get my man (men).
Whilst I plan to run a prudent campaign in which I essentially hijack the election events of richer candidates, donations would be very much appreciated. Please send them to the usual address, and ensure you make all cheques payable to the Catford Anarcho-Situationist Headquarters (CASH).
See you in City Hall!