Archive for the Art Category

Unstoppable Transpontine Codpiece Terror, or, What Really Happened In My EyeOnPolitics Interview

Posted in Art, Codpiece, Decadence, Elephant & Castle, FreeSouthLondon, London Mayor 2012, South London, Video on March 8, 2012 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

There’s been a lot of vicious rumours flying about lately. A lot of half-truths and even semi-lies. A dirty miasma of misinformation. Is it true you’re on the run, Wolfie? ask concerned children. ‘Only briefly, little comrade!’ I reply, heroically. Will you be going to prison, Mr. Moneypenny? ask worried floating voters. ‘What? Me? Nah. Not again.’

So, what did really happen during my interview with half-arsed so-called journalist Morgan Sagely for Luckily I’ve ripped a copy of the so-called broadcast off their so-called subscription-only website:

And, fearful that a middle-aged transpontine with a mild speech impediment droning on for 14 minutes would be too much for people to sit through (that’s prejudice), they also released this edited version:

Now, it’s fair to say that it’s rather unusual for a mayoral candidate to risk allowing this kind of thing to go out. Indeed – Ken, Boris and most-of-all Jenny Jones have all previously suppressed quite wanton documentation of their own predilections. But I’m different. I’m an honest candidate. Furthermore, I’m proud of my contempt for the journalist class. Thirdly, I settled out of court with that handsome young couple so this will not be used as evidence. And finally: have you ever seen anything more transpontine in your pitiful lives? Probably not.

EyeOnPolitics can be found on Twitter. They’re trying to get the hashtag #muchworsethanboris trending. Send them some abuse.


Sun Ra’s Pink Elephants

Posted in Art, FreeSouthLondon, Greater South London, London Mayor 2012, South London with tags , on January 28, 2012 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

An unofficial anthem for Elephant & Castle…

Which brings to mind the massive potential Sun Ra offers as a creative inspiration for heterodox election campaign videos. Imagine a transpontine flavoured version of…

Images From Election Video

Posted in Art, FreeSouthLondon, London Mayor 2012, South London on January 27, 2012 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

In response to a few of you asking, here’s the “adverts” from the beginning and end of the mayoral election video. Just click on the thumbnails to go to the bigguns.

The Bring Back Bankside Bear Baiting Bloodsport Bureau

“Greetings From South London” Postcards

Posted in "Tradition", Art, Bermondsey Tank, Catford cat, Central London, Elephant & Castle, Fried chicken, South London, Stockwell, Tourism on October 19, 2011 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

Armed with a semi-adequate appreciation of John Urry‘s theories on the touristic gaze, I have decided to act. Rather than wait for the neoliberal hub of central London to subsume the transpontine and offer ordered, sterile, homogenous “sites” for tourists to “gaze” upon (as is already happening on the South Bank), we must make sure they gazing at (and appreciating) what we want them to – traditional (and, indeed, under threat) South London experiences. And so…

(Gun not included)

In conjunction with the Revolutionary South London Tourist Board I present to you – the first in a series of transpontine postcards… Featuring brave new tourist sites including Stockwell Bus Garage, the Mandela Way T-34 tank and the Catford Cat.

These are already on sale at a number of emporiums: a few tourist stalls on the South Bank, exploitatively tied into the Kardorama monopoly, now stock them after what I can only describe as some guerilla shelfstacking… and Utrophia in Deptford also sells them.

So, what do we reckon? 30p for South Londoners, $20 for tourists? That’ll do nicely!

The Wireless Mystery Theatre: An Investigation

Posted in Art, Decadence, FreeSouthLondon, South London on September 30, 2011 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

As any successful republican should, it is my cherished aim to personally replace monarchs in their unelected positions of power. And so it was only right and proper of me to muscle septuagenarian, funkmeister & early bookies’ favourite George Clinton out of the way to claim the patronhood of the Wireless Mystery Theatre

This Northern Irish-based group of young creatives is one I have admired for many, many years. Since founding in 2010, they have… done much good work… in the third sector? Euthanizing disabled dogs? Erm… (Edit: Wireless Mystery Theatre transports the audience back to the Golden Age of radio, to be AWED! and AMAZED! as they present radio plays live on stage. You are offered a peek through the studio’s perspex glass to watch the live music, the hand-cranked sound effects, the ‘radio personalities,’ and the old-time commercials all as they happen.)

Imagine then my sense of horror, embarrassment and even auto-epicharikaky when I awoke from my mid-day nap to find the Wireless History Theatre had used their Twitter account to make a host of unfounded allegations against me. So enraged was I that if I’d been in Wimbledon rather than Catford I would have beaten a greyhound about the face with my own codpiece.

I feel I must categorically deny their allegations. Their libellous comments in undeserved bold, mine in the red of a cose-to-breakdown teacher…

Well, @FreeSouthLondon has accepted the offer to be WMT patron and has already stormed into the office and been very patronising indeed. [Admittedly, I retweeted this one. It’s not even remotely true, but it placed me in a position of being the dominant alpha male, which I see as a vote winner in the forthcoming London Mayor election…]

“Oh, yes, very good,” he said to one of our actors, “But have you considered playing it in a Dulwich accent?” [Now this is where it turns nasty. Everyone knows that the real accent of the real decent salt-of-the-earth types who really go to real Dulwich Hamlet matches pronounce it “Daahlitch”.]

He has leafed condescendingly through our accounts and described them as “Pre-revolutionary… but that will change.” [Admittedly this was another one I was tempted to retweet, even though by this stage my legal team were involved, for it positions me – as I am – at the forefront of the exhilarating headfirst rush into the teleological buffers.]

He has torn up our constitution, demanded we separate from the tyrannical ITC, and given 2 thumbs up to our version of Dead Man in Deptford. [I don’t even know what an ITC is! And whilst I may well give two thumbs up to a performance of A Dead Man In Deptford, after this acrimony they are likely to be anally inserted.]

Now he is “strongly suggesting” to the musical director that the WMT theme tune be replaced with this: [Yes, we can all revel in the nonsense of Pimlico, first stop of the transpontine deserter, but since I wasn’t actually there in their office, I fancy some scallywag foolishly looked at its SW1V postcode and assumed it south of the thames…]

Why, when he says “strongly suggest,” does he accent each syllable with that blackjack? [A shameful allegation that I brandish a small club to threaten people. Not true. It’s a bloody great spiked cricket bat.]

I should think it prudent for you to follow them on Twitter or keep a regular peeled eye upon the website so you can organise protests against them should their show ever tour in your town.


Wolfie’s Fan Art Corner

Posted in Art, Bermondsey Tank, South London on July 26, 2011 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

I received a charming piece of fan art from a young boy called Steve the other day:

It warms the revolutionary vanguard cockles of my heart to see youngsters getting inspired by my transpontine heroism. Feel free to send in any other children’s illustrations depicting either myself or South London’s struggle, and perhaps we could arrange a prize for the best efforts.

Exclusive: Kate’s Dress

Posted in Art, British Empire, Central London on April 29, 2011 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

Having come across certain information thanks to certain minions riffling through certain important bins, I can unofficially announce who has designed digestive biscuit vagina’d Kate Middleton’s wedding dress…

Andres Serrano!

Yes, indeed. At posh o’clock Kate, having been lowered into Westminster Abbey by crane, will be wheeled down the aisle in a very special art installation. Crucified on a wooden cross and submerged in a vat of royal urine. Not unlike the past week’s experience of being alive in this teetering, shameful city.