Archive for the Bermondsey Tank Category

London Mayoral Election: My Shocking Confession

Posted in Bermondsey Tank, Change We Can Believe In, FreeSouthLondon, London Mayor 2012, South London on March 29, 2012 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

Hello. This will be a heartstring-tugging post. May I suggest  you listen to some appropriately emotional music whilst you read it…

As you will know, I have been running a campaign to be elected as Mayor of London.

I’ve been amazing, brave, handsome, controversial, staggering and amazing…

So amazing that the Evening Standard backtracked on an already-commissioned, already-written interview with me just before it went to press because it was (and I quote an insider) “it was too extremist” (they then settled down to interviewing the harmlessly centrist non-entity policy wonk Siobhan Benita – true story).

Now… before I continue I must emphasise: capitalist society is on the verge of collapse so, really my friends, there’s no point in trying to ‘fellate the corpse of representative democracy’ anymore…

Okay. There’s been a lot of filthy rumours going round that I’ve failed to raise the £10,000 deposit… I can tell you right now that’s bollocks. I did raise the money. Slightly more, in fact.

But I’ve spent it. Well, most of it.

I’m one big bag of shameful confession, waiting to be tugged open.

I’m quite concerned about reprisals, both legal and physical, given the fact some may tenuously claim I have in effect stolen this money. I therefore call on you to take sympathy on me. I’m just a boy from Streatham. I’ve never seen so much money. I was bound to go a bit crazy. I’m the victim here.

I may have wazzed a load of ill-gotten money on one glorious night of sexed-up debauchery, but I ask you as member of this unequal society – who’s the real transpontine megalomaniac pervert? Not I. Not I.

Yours, in fraudulent electioneering,

P.S. I am available for interviews, after-dinner speaking and babysitting.
P.P.S. Would any of you consider being a witness to my good character should I be tried on some jumped up corruption charges?
P.P.P.S. I have not benefitted from this financially in anyway. Furthermore, I am in no way whatsoever typing this on a golden keyboard.

“Greetings From South London” Postcards

Posted in "Tradition", Art, Bermondsey Tank, Catford cat, Central London, Elephant & Castle, Fried chicken, South London, Stockwell, Tourism on October 19, 2011 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

Armed with a semi-adequate appreciation of John Urry‘s theories on the touristic gaze, I have decided to act. Rather than wait for the neoliberal hub of central London to subsume the transpontine and offer ordered, sterile, homogenous “sites” for tourists to “gaze” upon (as is already happening on the South Bank), we must make sure they gazing at (and appreciating) what we want them to – traditional (and, indeed, under threat) South London experiences. And so…

(Gun not included)

In conjunction with the Revolutionary South London Tourist Board I present to you – the first in a series of transpontine postcards… Featuring brave new tourist sites including Stockwell Bus Garage, the Mandela Way T-34 tank and the Catford Cat.

These are already on sale at a number of emporiums: a few tourist stalls on the South Bank, exploitatively tied into the Kardorama monopoly, now stock them after what I can only describe as some guerilla shelfstacking… and Utrophia in Deptford also sells them.

So, what do we reckon? 30p for South Londoners, $20 for tourists? That’ll do nicely!

Wolfie’s Fan Art Corner

Posted in Art, Bermondsey Tank, South London on July 26, 2011 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

I received a charming piece of fan art from a young boy called Steve the other day:

It warms the revolutionary vanguard cockles of my heart to see youngsters getting inspired by my transpontine heroism. Feel free to send in any other children’s illustrations depicting either myself or South London’s struggle, and perhaps we could arrange a prize for the best efforts.