Archive for the British Empire Category

In Defence of Jonnie Marbles

Posted in British Empire, Central London, Change We Can Believe In, Cheesecake, Decadence, Protest, Revolution, Riots, South London, Tooting on July 20, 2011 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

After careful deliberation, something unfashionable in the internet age, I’m offering the revolutionary transpontine interpretation of recent events.

Jonnie Marbles sat through hours of polite investigation, gentle probing and media elite slippery avoidance. Elite gently nibbling elite.

He politely tweeted commentary, as it seems did half the world.

And then he stuck a pie in the face world renowned bastard, Rupert Murdoch.

And then all (polite, ineffective complaining) hell broke loose. Marbles, in absentia, was dragged over the lukewarm coals of digital justice by panicking lefties and dreary salt-of-the-earth types. He had, apparently, ruined everything. The chance to topple Murdoch’s Empire gone, vanished in a splatter of shaving custard. Apparently.

But I put it to you all that the problem lies not in Marbles’ stunt, but in the complete failure of the rest of us to join in.

There is a class of disreputable bastards of which Murdoch is currently merely the most visible that deserve at the very least a pie in the face.

Ten solid days of worldwide pie throwing would drag us closer to something resembling utopia than at any point in non-theological history.

But do we pick up the pies and join in? No! We make crawling attempts to intellectualize our own lack of balls. We decry the bravest man amongst us as somehow cowardly. We roar inside with jealousy knowing this damn sexy bastard has lived so brighter in one moment than we ever will. We even go so low as to dehumanize the elderly as an invented class of unables (would you babytalk a “nigger”?)

The problem with Marbles is, if anything, that he is too much for this world. This world, from Tooting to Tehran, should be pitipataring to the sound of the #splat hashtag made real, made revolutionary, made plural.

Marbles, I’m proud of you. I’m honoured you picked up the luridity and melodrama of our transpontine ways in your time in Mitcham, and so fantastically unleashed in the face of an enemy.

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Exclusive: Kate’s Dress

Posted in Art, British Empire, Central London on April 29, 2011 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

Having come across certain information thanks to certain minions riffling through certain important bins, I can unofficially announce who has designed digestive biscuit vagina’d Kate Middleton’s wedding dress…

Andres Serrano!

Yes, indeed. At posh o’clock Kate, having been lowered into Westminster Abbey by crane, will be wheeled down the aisle in a very special art installation. Crucified on a wooden cross and submerged in a vat of royal urine. Not unlike the past week’s experience of being alive in this teetering, shameful city.

The Census 2011

Posted in "Tradition", British Empire, Census, Change We Can Believe In, Indigenous Culture, South London on March 8, 2011 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

Ten years ago the Census managed to completely ignore the plight of South London. Not this time, comrades. This time we fight back. Find question 15, ‘How would you describe your national identity?’ Fill in SOUTH LONDONER.

And then take it a stage further. Find question 16, ‘What is your ethnic group?’

Go down to ‘Other ethnic group’ and tick ‘Any other ethnic group, write in’ and fill in TRANSPONTINE.

 

Little Ease

Posted in "Tradition", Art, British Empire, Central London, Elephant & Castle, FreeSouthLondon, North London, Protest, Riots, South London, The City of London, The Decline of the Tie, Vox Pop with tags , , , , , on October 5, 2010 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

New revolutionary short film regarding the decline of the tie, the City of London, the decivilising process & medieval torture…

Pre-Memoriam: Elephant & Castle Shopping Centre

Posted in "Tradition", British Empire, Dualities, FreeSouthLondon, Gentrification, Indigenous Culture, Postmodernity, Protest, Southwark with tags , , , , on August 23, 2010 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

Today I visited an old friend. An old friend on death row. Haphazardry may have delayed the execution by two years… but they are definitely beyond reprieve. Bulldozers and cranes – a particularly savage deathodology – will rip them apart in 2012.

South London is a world leader in bittersweet concurrent dichotomies. She is at once central and provincial – or, to use the sociological language, both core and peripheral. Andfore, I willfully believe, beautiful/ugly for it. Much as the Virgin Mary is both saint and slut, South London too straddles seemingly incompatible dualities at once. And where else could be the epiphany of such be but our Cathedral of now & then, good & bad – the Elephant & Castle Shopping Centre.

I set off from my Anarcho-Situationist Commune expecting to find a wreck. A useless shell echoing faintly with former glories & nagging regrets. Elephant & Castle Shopping Centre, sentenced to death for someone else’s crimes: the post-war town planning of modernity’s rationality. Knock it down. And dance upon its grave immediately with the hoisting of a new contemporary development.

But… my friend was… alive! Vibrant. Vivid. Vivacious. It’s a mess, certainly, a mandarin-enraging crumblejumble of not-neatness. What we have is an abandoned 1960s brutalist shopping mall – there is something of the post-apocalyptic here – but like fungus growing in a dampridden flat, life starts anew. The 20th century supermarket meets the medieval village market. Stalls selling crap, fabrics, tat, bits, bobs, gloriously delicious foodstuffs, boomin’ reggae vibrations, and general material titillations, have, over long years, popped up hicklety-picklety/fractal geometry/in your face/what a lovely place. From a ridiculous beginning – an absolute failure – South Londoner’s inherent transpontine truculence (a fair reaction to being an unwanted appendage) has seen them make something of nothing.

This is the exact kind of thing, a sort of “natural” or “chaotic” multilayered living-irony, a kind of playful fractal mix, that inspires postmodernism. But South London’s organic analogue dualities are under threat from a hypercapitalist hunger to continue their project of rationalised – McDonaldized – postmodern homogenuous designed dualities. And to think that hypercathedral of pomo, the glass’d & steel’d mall-centric Redevelopment Project, is going to knock this beauty of a social hub down into dust… Put bluntly, this grand artefact is going to be literally destroyed because the likes of Starbucks and Gap can’t be arsed opening up in a heterodox shopping centre.

This isn’t a call to arms, although I wish it could be (and I am bloody tempted to chain myself to the beautiful red E&C statue when the bulldozers finally come). Rather, I am documenting the faint echo of an already lost possible future. Oh, the pathetic tides we are swept along in.

So, Elephant & Castle is threatened with the ghosttownisation of homogeneous rationalisation. The irony is (and my word don’t they love lashings of it!) that the implementation of this project – “Europe’s biggest” (as was Auschwitz) – will kill what it hopes to recreate. Stupid bastards.

Bloody Sunday, The Saville Enquiry & The/the Troubles

Posted in Belfast, British Empire, Change We Can Believe In, FreeSouthLondon, Protest, Radio Free South London, South London, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on June 16, 2010 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

In my Radio Free South London interview with Mr. Reggie Chamberlain-King of West Belfast, he eloquently explained that the continued existance of The Troubles in Northern Ireland, even just in terms as a topic of interest & conversation, of tourist & academic whim, is essentially a continuation of The Troubles.

I expect therefore that he may well be cautios of the publication of the Saville Enquiry‘s report into the Bloody Sunday shootings of 1972, given as it will – and is – sparking off more talk & interest in The Troubles, and according to this Chamberlain-King thesis, continuing the divisions of The* Troubles.

I would like to play Devil’s advocate (for Mr. Reggie Chamberlain-King has indeed played the Devil), Do the benefits if any of this enquiry, be it the quest for truth, justice or retribution, amount to enough of a Pro to counterbalance the Con of this continuation?

In a world of African civil slaughters, Chinese mining fuckgasms, countless alcohol-related deaths and highspeed hit & runs, 12 years enquiry to an incident that occured nearly 40 years ago seems, whilst not unjust, certainly unusual. It is quite clear the enquiry is about the symbolic value of Bloody Sunday more than any value of of human life. And it is, I think, the symbolic life of The Troubles that is the continuation.**

A space will now be left for Reggie to respond, should he at all disagree with me, or alternatively to congratulate me:

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* = I even fear my capitalization of “The” is part of this very process.

** = Which includes this. Fuckchops.

Radio Free South London

Posted in "Tradition", Belfast, British Empire, Change We Can Believe In, Dualities, FreeSouthLondon, Indigenous Culture, Media, Northern Ireland, Postmodernity, Radio Free South London, South London with tags , , , , , , on June 2, 2010 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

Mr. Reggie Chamberlain-King

In this exert from my slot on Radio Free South London (more piratical than a Cornish pasty with a hook for a crust) I interview West Belfast’s favourite intellectual and future Philosopher-King, Reggie Chamberlain-King. We discuss politics on both sides of the Irish-Thames Sea(s). This will be of particular interest to (1) the Northern Irish, (2) South Londoners, (3) fans of hot exotic genius, and (4) all women of breeding age and intact apparatus.

For those of you used to me giving the so-called great & good the run around on my previous radio interviews (including former Prime Minister Tony Blair, professional vague feminist Germaine Greer & disgraced footballer Wayne Lampard) you’re in for a shock. The fabulous Reggie probably wins this heavyweight contest of international jousting. On points.

Wolfgang Moneypenny & Reggie Chamberlain-King on Radio Free South London by RadioFreeSouthLondon