Archive for the Elephant & Castle Category

Watch a transpontine video nasty this Friday 13th

Posted in Elephant & Castle, London Mayor 2012, South London on April 13, 2012 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

Disgraced fraudulent mayoral candidate Wolfgang Moneypenny and laughing stock political journalist John Sagely meet again in the interview that will simply not end, ever.

Grannymugger Productions Ltd. proudly present a video nasty adventure into the very depths of the human condition, and deeper still into Moneypenny’s sex dungeon, where reality and dream become as unreadable as right and wrong… (or… He’s a journo, so he deserves it…?)

It’s the film that turns #solidarity in #sordidhilarity.

Marvel at the tortue, wince at the baked beans, tap your toe to the musical interlude & gasp orgasmically at the dramatic finale in the Elephant & Castle subways.

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Unstoppable Transpontine Codpiece Terror, or, What Really Happened In My EyeOnPolitics Interview

Posted in Art, Codpiece, Decadence, Elephant & Castle, FreeSouthLondon, London Mayor 2012, South London, Video on March 8, 2012 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

There’s been a lot of vicious rumours flying about lately. A lot of half-truths and even semi-lies. A dirty miasma of misinformation. Is it true you’re on the run, Wolfie? ask concerned children. ‘Only briefly, little comrade!’ I reply, heroically. Will you be going to prison, Mr. Moneypenny? ask worried floating voters. ‘What? Me? Nah. Not again.’

So, what did really happen during my interview with half-arsed so-called journalist Morgan Sagely for EyeOnPolitics.org? Luckily I’ve ripped a copy of the so-called broadcast off their so-called subscription-only website:

And, fearful that a middle-aged transpontine with a mild speech impediment droning on for 14 minutes would be too much for people to sit through (that’s prejudice), they also released this edited version:

Now, it’s fair to say that it’s rather unusual for a mayoral candidate to risk allowing this kind of thing to go out. Indeed – Ken, Boris and most-of-all Jenny Jones have all previously suppressed quite wanton documentation of their own predilections. But I’m different. I’m an honest candidate. Furthermore, I’m proud of my contempt for the journalist class. Thirdly, I settled out of court with that handsome young couple so this will not be used as evidence. And finally: have you ever seen anything more transpontine in your pitiful lives? Probably not.

EyeOnPolitics can be found on Twitter. They’re trying to get the hashtag #muchworsethanboris trending. Send them some abuse.

The Dulwich Hamlet, SLHC Podcasting & Angela Carter: a round-up

Posted in Clapham, Elephant & Castle, FreeSouthLondon, Gentrification, Transpontine, Video on February 16, 2012 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

Time for a round-up (and, no, not of the gulag kind)…

First, I visited The Dulwich Hamlet and recorded this charming little vlog about the day:

Secondly, have you listened to the South London Hardcore podcast yet? You should. Aside from their football alleigances the SLHC team are a pair of decent, hardworking, sponsorship-obsessed transpontines debating the issues that effect us everyday: the capitalisation of “south London”, our cultural heritage, and international antichrono terrorism.

I had the pleasure of meeting up with them in the Elephant & Castle Shopping Centre (drinking that lovely £1 Mamuśka coffee) to record an episode about my transpontinist mayoral campaign which should be up next week, so I’m giving you the heads up to listen to the other episodes before I blow them out of the water.

And thirdly… It’s twenty years since my fellow transpontine figurehead Angela Carter passed away. The as ever librarian fantastique republique Transpontine has dished out a lovely overview of her Southdom writings. I was once told, by a madly staring wide-eyed convulsively shaking gentleman at a squat party no less, that the exact moment he had heard of Angela’s death someone (never identified) launched a brick though their flat window. I bet Iain Sinclair would love that, the muppet.

Let her epitaph be the beginning our own:

“When the bourgeoisie got priced out of, first, Hampstead and Highgate – how long ago it seems! – and then from Camden Town and Islington, and the alternatives got priced (who’d have thought it?) out of Ladbroke Grove, there was nowhere else for all, repeat all, the poor sods to go, was there? That’s typical south London usage. Every statement is converted to a rhetorical question.”

Hmmm… controversial lack of a capital “S” there, Angie… On top of that, in today’s London Planned city of state-negotiated mass-produced gentrification (regeneration, urban renaissance and other cat-belly-tickling euphemisms) the old days of a few posh buggers drip-drip-dripping down here seems positively quaint, almost idyllic. Sort of.

Keep it real* comrades.

* = Enjoy defining that one.

“Greetings From South London” Postcards

Posted in "Tradition", Art, Bermondsey Tank, Catford cat, Central London, Elephant & Castle, Fried chicken, South London, Stockwell, Tourism on October 19, 2011 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

Armed with a semi-adequate appreciation of John Urry‘s theories on the touristic gaze, I have decided to act. Rather than wait for the neoliberal hub of central London to subsume the transpontine and offer ordered, sterile, homogenous “sites” for tourists to “gaze” upon (as is already happening on the South Bank), we must make sure they gazing at (and appreciating) what we want them to – traditional (and, indeed, under threat) South London experiences. And so…

(Gun not included)

In conjunction with the Revolutionary South London Tourist Board I present to you – the first in a series of transpontine postcards… Featuring brave new tourist sites including Stockwell Bus Garage, the Mandela Way T-34 tank and the Catford Cat.

These are already on sale at a number of emporiums: a few tourist stalls on the South Bank, exploitatively tied into the Kardorama monopoly, now stock them after what I can only describe as some guerilla shelfstacking… and Utrophia in Deptford also sells them.

So, what do we reckon? 30p for South Londoners, $20 for tourists? That’ll do nicely!

At Last!! Evidence That The Mighty Pteranodon Still Flies Above South London

Posted in Elephant & Castle, FreeSouthLondon, Pteranodon, South London on September 30, 2011 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

Here it is. This could be the final piece in the empirical jigsaw that finally proves South London is home to the last remaining squadron of pteranodons – previously thought to have died out millions of years ago.

Soaring high above the equally threatened with extinction Heygate Estate, this majestic beast is no doubt looking for a fishmongers to ramraid.

Many of the world’s leading palaeontologists have long since stopped returning my e-mails and so were unavailable to comment at time of going to press. And, of course, some naysayers may argue that the photo may have been digitally manipulated.

But we won’t let that stop us rejoicing, will we my possums…?

Embrace it – our collective spirit animal. The Pteranodon.

 

 

A transpontine game of Mornington Crescent

Posted in "Tradition", Elephant & Castle, Indigenous Culture, Protest on February 12, 2011 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

A self-appointed guardian of wittism approaches me. “Wolfie!” he chirps in an overly friendly manner, “Fancy a game of Mornington Creasant?”

“No thanks brother. I don’t suckle the enemy culture teat.”

“Oh, spoil sport!” he wanks on. “Too much ideology, not enough funny.”

“The two can be accommodated.” I informicate him. “Mornington Crescent: The Transpontine Bus Stop Edition…”

And so the game began.

G.

B.

J.

R.

D.

B.

You’ve already had B!

No, that was the E&C B.

K.

F…

Little Ease

Posted in "Tradition", Art, British Empire, Central London, Elephant & Castle, FreeSouthLondon, North London, Protest, Riots, South London, The City of London, The Decline of the Tie, Vox Pop with tags , , , , , on October 5, 2010 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

New revolutionary short film regarding the decline of the tie, the City of London, the decivilising process & medieval torture…