Archive for the FreeSouthLondon Category

London Mayoral Election: My Shocking Confession

Posted in Bermondsey Tank, Change We Can Believe In, FreeSouthLondon, London Mayor 2012, South London on March 29, 2012 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

Hello. This will be a heartstring-tugging post. May I suggest  you listen to some appropriately emotional music whilst you read it…

As you will know, I have been running a campaign to be elected as Mayor of London.

I’ve been amazing, brave, handsome, controversial, staggering and amazing…

So amazing that the Evening Standard backtracked on an already-commissioned, already-written interview with me just before it went to press because it was (and I quote an insider) “it was too extremist” (they then settled down to interviewing the harmlessly centrist non-entity policy wonk Siobhan Benita – true story).

Now… before I continue I must emphasise: capitalist society is on the verge of collapse so, really my friends, there’s no point in trying to ‘fellate the corpse of representative democracy’ anymore…

Okay. There’s been a lot of filthy rumours going round that I’ve failed to raise the £10,000 deposit… I can tell you right now that’s bollocks. I did raise the money. Slightly more, in fact.

But I’ve spent it. Well, most of it.

I’m one big bag of shameful confession, waiting to be tugged open.

I’m quite concerned about reprisals, both legal and physical, given the fact some may tenuously claim I have in effect stolen this money. I therefore call on you to take sympathy on me. I’m just a boy from Streatham. I’ve never seen so much money. I was bound to go a bit crazy. I’m the victim here.

I may have wazzed a load of ill-gotten money on one glorious night of sexed-up debauchery, but I ask you as member of this unequal society – who’s the real transpontine megalomaniac pervert? Not I. Not I.

Yours, in fraudulent electioneering,

P.S. I am available for interviews, after-dinner speaking and babysitting.
P.P.S. Would any of you consider being a witness to my good character should I be tried on some jumped up corruption charges?
P.P.P.S. I have not benefitted from this financially in anyway. Furthermore, I am in no way whatsoever typing this on a golden keyboard.

Unstoppable Transpontine Codpiece Terror, or, What Really Happened In My EyeOnPolitics Interview

Posted in Art, Codpiece, Decadence, Elephant & Castle, FreeSouthLondon, London Mayor 2012, South London, Video on March 8, 2012 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

There’s been a lot of vicious rumours flying about lately. A lot of half-truths and even semi-lies. A dirty miasma of misinformation. Is it true you’re on the run, Wolfie? ask concerned children. ‘Only briefly, little comrade!’ I reply, heroically. Will you be going to prison, Mr. Moneypenny? ask worried floating voters. ‘What? Me? Nah. Not again.’

So, what did really happen during my interview with half-arsed so-called journalist Morgan Sagely for EyeOnPolitics.org? Luckily I’ve ripped a copy of the so-called broadcast off their so-called subscription-only website:

And, fearful that a middle-aged transpontine with a mild speech impediment droning on for 14 minutes would be too much for people to sit through (that’s prejudice), they also released this edited version:

Now, it’s fair to say that it’s rather unusual for a mayoral candidate to risk allowing this kind of thing to go out. Indeed – Ken, Boris and most-of-all Jenny Jones have all previously suppressed quite wanton documentation of their own predilections. But I’m different. I’m an honest candidate. Furthermore, I’m proud of my contempt for the journalist class. Thirdly, I settled out of court with that handsome young couple so this will not be used as evidence. And finally: have you ever seen anything more transpontine in your pitiful lives? Probably not.

EyeOnPolitics can be found on Twitter. They’re trying to get the hashtag #muchworsethanboris trending. Send them some abuse.

Wolfgang Moneypenny speaks to the South London Hardcore Podcast

Posted in FreeSouthLondon, London Mayor 2012, Media, South London, Transpontine on February 21, 2012 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

As previously threatened. I discuss my mayoral campaign, my personal South London and the mutant bears versus property speculator conflict.

Click here to listen and/or download.

The Dulwich Hamlet, SLHC Podcasting & Angela Carter: a round-up

Posted in Clapham, Elephant & Castle, FreeSouthLondon, Gentrification, Transpontine, Video on February 16, 2012 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

Time for a round-up (and, no, not of the gulag kind)…

First, I visited The Dulwich Hamlet and recorded this charming little vlog about the day:

Secondly, have you listened to the South London Hardcore podcast yet? You should. Aside from their football alleigances the SLHC team are a pair of decent, hardworking, sponsorship-obsessed transpontines debating the issues that effect us everyday: the capitalisation of “south London”, our cultural heritage, and international antichrono terrorism.

I had the pleasure of meeting up with them in the Elephant & Castle Shopping Centre (drinking that lovely £1 Mamuśka coffee) to record an episode about my transpontinist mayoral campaign which should be up next week, so I’m giving you the heads up to listen to the other episodes before I blow them out of the water.

And thirdly… It’s twenty years since my fellow transpontine figurehead Angela Carter passed away. The as ever librarian fantastique republique Transpontine has dished out a lovely overview of her Southdom writings. I was once told, by a madly staring wide-eyed convulsively shaking gentleman at a squat party no less, that the exact moment he had heard of Angela’s death someone (never identified) launched a brick though their flat window. I bet Iain Sinclair would love that, the muppet.

Let her epitaph be the beginning our own:

“When the bourgeoisie got priced out of, first, Hampstead and Highgate – how long ago it seems! – and then from Camden Town and Islington, and the alternatives got priced (who’d have thought it?) out of Ladbroke Grove, there was nowhere else for all, repeat all, the poor sods to go, was there? That’s typical south London usage. Every statement is converted to a rhetorical question.”

Hmmm… controversial lack of a capital “S” there, Angie… On top of that, in today’s London Planned city of state-negotiated mass-produced gentrification (regeneration, urban renaissance and other cat-belly-tickling euphemisms) the old days of a few posh buggers drip-drip-dripping down here seems positively quaint, almost idyllic. Sort of.

Keep it real* comrades.

* = Enjoy defining that one.

Sun Ra’s Pink Elephants

Posted in Art, FreeSouthLondon, Greater South London, London Mayor 2012, South London with tags , on January 28, 2012 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

An unofficial anthem for Elephant & Castle…

Which brings to mind the massive potential Sun Ra offers as a creative inspiration for heterodox election campaign videos. Imagine a transpontine flavoured version of…

Images From Election Video

Posted in Art, FreeSouthLondon, London Mayor 2012, South London on January 27, 2012 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

In response to a few of you asking, here’s the “adverts” from the beginning and end of the mayoral election video. Just click on the thumbnails to go to the bigguns.

The Bring Back Bankside Bear Baiting Bloodsport Bureau

At Last!! Evidence That The Mighty Pteranodon Still Flies Above South London

Posted in Elephant & Castle, FreeSouthLondon, Pteranodon, South London on September 30, 2011 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

Here it is. This could be the final piece in the empirical jigsaw that finally proves South London is home to the last remaining squadron of pteranodons – previously thought to have died out millions of years ago.

Soaring high above the equally threatened with extinction Heygate Estate, this majestic beast is no doubt looking for a fishmongers to ramraid.

Many of the world’s leading palaeontologists have long since stopped returning my e-mails and so were unavailable to comment at time of going to press. And, of course, some naysayers may argue that the photo may have been digitally manipulated.

But we won’t let that stop us rejoicing, will we my possums…?

Embrace it – our collective spirit animal. The Pteranodon.

 

 

The Wireless Mystery Theatre: An Investigation

Posted in Art, Decadence, FreeSouthLondon, South London on September 30, 2011 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

As any successful republican should, it is my cherished aim to personally replace monarchs in their unelected positions of power. And so it was only right and proper of me to muscle septuagenarian, funkmeister & early bookies’ favourite George Clinton out of the way to claim the patronhood of the Wireless Mystery Theatre

This Northern Irish-based group of young creatives is one I have admired for many, many years. Since founding in 2010, they have… done much good work… in the third sector? Euthanizing disabled dogs? Erm… (Edit: Wireless Mystery Theatre transports the audience back to the Golden Age of radio, to be AWED! and AMAZED! as they present radio plays live on stage. You are offered a peek through the studio’s perspex glass to watch the live music, the hand-cranked sound effects, the ‘radio personalities,’ and the old-time commercials all as they happen.)

Imagine then my sense of horror, embarrassment and even auto-epicharikaky when I awoke from my mid-day nap to find the Wireless History Theatre had used their Twitter account to make a host of unfounded allegations against me. So enraged was I that if I’d been in Wimbledon rather than Catford I would have beaten a greyhound about the face with my own codpiece.

I feel I must categorically deny their allegations. Their libellous comments in undeserved bold, mine in the red of a cose-to-breakdown teacher…

Well, @FreeSouthLondon has accepted the offer to be WMT patron and has already stormed into the office and been very patronising indeed. [Admittedly, I retweeted this one. It’s not even remotely true, but it placed me in a position of being the dominant alpha male, which I see as a vote winner in the forthcoming London Mayor election…]

“Oh, yes, very good,” he said to one of our actors, “But have you considered playing it in a Dulwich accent?” [Now this is where it turns nasty. Everyone knows that the real accent of the real decent salt-of-the-earth types who really go to real Dulwich Hamlet matches pronounce it “Daahlitch”.]

He has leafed condescendingly through our accounts and described them as “Pre-revolutionary… but that will change.” [Admittedly this was another one I was tempted to retweet, even though by this stage my legal team were involved, for it positions me – as I am – at the forefront of the exhilarating headfirst rush into the teleological buffers.]

He has torn up our constitution, demanded we separate from the tyrannical ITC, and given 2 thumbs up to our version of Dead Man in Deptford. [I don’t even know what an ITC is! And whilst I may well give two thumbs up to a performance of A Dead Man In Deptford, after this acrimony they are likely to be anally inserted.]

Now he is “strongly suggesting” to the musical director that the WMT theme tune be replaced with this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vddY0nGy8Ws [Yes, we can all revel in the nonsense of Pimlico, first stop of the transpontine deserter, but since I wasn’t actually there in their office, I fancy some scallywag foolishly looked at its SW1V postcode and assumed it south of the thames…]

Why, when he says “strongly suggest,” does he accent each syllable with that blackjack? [A shameful allegation that I brandish a small club to threaten people. Not true. It’s a bloody great spiked cricket bat.]

I should think it prudent for you to follow them on Twitter or keep a regular peeled eye upon the website so you can organise protests against them should their show ever tour in your town.

 

#YourParkYourPlace

Posted in "Tradition", Change We Can Believe In, Decadence, FreeSouthLondon, Olympics, Revolution on March 23, 2011 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

The wonderful powers that be want us, the great unwash’d public, to tweet suggestions (using the #YourParkYourPlace hashtag) for the names of the five new E20 neighbourhoods to be built as part of the 2012 Olympic capital accumulation, er, I mean legacy project.

London divisions aside, I think these five eastside ‘bourhoods deserve names in keeping with their various qualities, individual quirks and sense of history. So after much deliberation and consultation I’ve suggested: Hypercapitalist Megaevent Afterbirth 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5.

Little Ease

Posted in "Tradition", Art, British Empire, Central London, Elephant & Castle, FreeSouthLondon, North London, Protest, Riots, South London, The City of London, The Decline of the Tie, Vox Pop with tags , , , , , on October 5, 2010 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

New revolutionary short film regarding the decline of the tie, the City of London, the decivilising process & medieval torture…