Archive for the FreeSouthLondon Category

London Mayoral Election: My Shocking Confession

Posted in Bermondsey Tank, Change We Can Believe In, FreeSouthLondon, London Mayor 2012, South London on March 29, 2012 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

Hello. This will be a heartstring-tugging post. May I suggest  you listen to some appropriately emotional music whilst you read it…

As you will know, I have been running a campaign to be elected as Mayor of London.

I’ve been amazing, brave, handsome, controversial, staggering and amazing…

So amazing that the Evening Standard backtracked on an already-commissioned, already-written interview with me just before it went to press because it was (and I quote an insider) “it was too extremist” (they then settled down to interviewing the harmlessly centrist non-entity policy wonk Siobhan Benita – true story).

Now… before I continue I must emphasise: capitalist society is on the verge of collapse so, really my friends, there’s no point in trying to ‘fellate the corpse of representative democracy’ anymore…

Okay. There’s been a lot of filthy rumours going round that I’ve failed to raise the £10,000 deposit… I can tell you right now that’s bollocks. I did raise the money. Slightly more, in fact.

But I’ve spent it. Well, most of it.

I’m one big bag of shameful confession, waiting to be tugged open.

I’m quite concerned about reprisals, both legal and physical, given the fact some may tenuously claim I have in effect stolen this money. I therefore call on you to take sympathy on me. I’m just a boy from Streatham. I’ve never seen so much money. I was bound to go a bit crazy. I’m the victim here.

I may have wazzed a load of ill-gotten money on one glorious night of sexed-up debauchery, but I ask you as member of this unequal society – who’s the real transpontine megalomaniac pervert? Not I. Not I.

Yours, in fraudulent electioneering,

P.S. I am available for interviews, after-dinner speaking and babysitting.
P.P.S. Would any of you consider being a witness to my good character should I be tried on some jumped up corruption charges?
P.P.P.S. I have not benefitted from this financially in anyway. Furthermore, I am in no way whatsoever typing this on a golden keyboard.
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Unstoppable Transpontine Codpiece Terror, or, What Really Happened In My EyeOnPolitics Interview

Posted in Art, Codpiece, Decadence, Elephant & Castle, FreeSouthLondon, London Mayor 2012, South London, Video on March 8, 2012 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

There’s been a lot of vicious rumours flying about lately. A lot of half-truths and even semi-lies. A dirty miasma of misinformation. Is it true you’re on the run, Wolfie? ask concerned children. ‘Only briefly, little comrade!’ I reply, heroically. Will you be going to prison, Mr. Moneypenny? ask worried floating voters. ‘What? Me? Nah. Not again.’

So, what did really happen during my interview with half-arsed so-called journalist Morgan Sagely for EyeOnPolitics.org? Luckily I’ve ripped a copy of the so-called broadcast off their so-called subscription-only website:

And, fearful that a middle-aged transpontine with a mild speech impediment droning on for 14 minutes would be too much for people to sit through (that’s prejudice), they also released this edited version:

Now, it’s fair to say that it’s rather unusual for a mayoral candidate to risk allowing this kind of thing to go out. Indeed – Ken, Boris and most-of-all Jenny Jones have all previously suppressed quite wanton documentation of their own predilections. But I’m different. I’m an honest candidate. Furthermore, I’m proud of my contempt for the journalist class. Thirdly, I settled out of court with that handsome young couple so this will not be used as evidence. And finally: have you ever seen anything more transpontine in your pitiful lives? Probably not.

EyeOnPolitics can be found on Twitter. They’re trying to get the hashtag #muchworsethanboris trending. Send them some abuse.

Wolfgang Moneypenny speaks to the South London Hardcore Podcast

Posted in FreeSouthLondon, London Mayor 2012, Media, South London, Transpontine on February 21, 2012 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

As previously threatened. I discuss my mayoral campaign, my personal South London and the mutant bears versus property speculator conflict.

Click here to listen and/or download.

The Dulwich Hamlet, SLHC Podcasting & Angela Carter: a round-up

Posted in Clapham, Elephant & Castle, FreeSouthLondon, Gentrification, Transpontine, Video on February 16, 2012 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

Time for a round-up (and, no, not of the gulag kind)…

First, I visited The Dulwich Hamlet and recorded this charming little vlog about the day:

Secondly, have you listened to the South London Hardcore podcast yet? You should. Aside from their football alleigances the SLHC team are a pair of decent, hardworking, sponsorship-obsessed transpontines debating the issues that effect us everyday: the capitalisation of “south London”, our cultural heritage, and international antichrono terrorism.

I had the pleasure of meeting up with them in the Elephant & Castle Shopping Centre (drinking that lovely £1 Mamuśka coffee) to record an episode about my transpontinist mayoral campaign which should be up next week, so I’m giving you the heads up to listen to the other episodes before I blow them out of the water.

And thirdly… It’s twenty years since my fellow transpontine figurehead Angela Carter passed away. The as ever librarian fantastique republique Transpontine has dished out a lovely overview of her Southdom writings. I was once told, by a madly staring wide-eyed convulsively shaking gentleman at a squat party no less, that the exact moment he had heard of Angela’s death someone (never identified) launched a brick though their flat window. I bet Iain Sinclair would love that, the muppet.

Let her epitaph be the beginning our own:

“When the bourgeoisie got priced out of, first, Hampstead and Highgate – how long ago it seems! – and then from Camden Town and Islington, and the alternatives got priced (who’d have thought it?) out of Ladbroke Grove, there was nowhere else for all, repeat all, the poor sods to go, was there? That’s typical south London usage. Every statement is converted to a rhetorical question.”

Hmmm… controversial lack of a capital “S” there, Angie… On top of that, in today’s London Planned city of state-negotiated mass-produced gentrification (regeneration, urban renaissance and other cat-belly-tickling euphemisms) the old days of a few posh buggers drip-drip-dripping down here seems positively quaint, almost idyllic. Sort of.

Keep it real* comrades.

* = Enjoy defining that one.

Sun Ra’s Pink Elephants

Posted in Art, FreeSouthLondon, Greater South London, London Mayor 2012, South London with tags , on January 28, 2012 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

An unofficial anthem for Elephant & Castle…

Which brings to mind the massive potential Sun Ra offers as a creative inspiration for heterodox election campaign videos. Imagine a transpontine flavoured version of…

Images From Election Video

Posted in Art, FreeSouthLondon, London Mayor 2012, South London on January 27, 2012 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

In response to a few of you asking, here’s the “adverts” from the beginning and end of the mayoral election video. Just click on the thumbnails to go to the bigguns.

The Bring Back Bankside Bear Baiting Bloodsport Bureau

At Last!! Evidence That The Mighty Pteranodon Still Flies Above South London

Posted in Elephant & Castle, FreeSouthLondon, Pteranodon, South London on September 30, 2011 by Wolfgang Moneypenny

Here it is. This could be the final piece in the empirical jigsaw that finally proves South London is home to the last remaining squadron of pteranodons – previously thought to have died out millions of years ago.

Soaring high above the equally threatened with extinction Heygate Estate, this majestic beast is no doubt looking for a fishmongers to ramraid.

Many of the world’s leading palaeontologists have long since stopped returning my e-mails and so were unavailable to comment at time of going to press. And, of course, some naysayers may argue that the photo may have been digitally manipulated.

But we won’t let that stop us rejoicing, will we my possums…?

Embrace it – our collective spirit animal. The Pteranodon.